Autism And Siblings

Dealing with a brother or sister with autism can be difficult at times. As a mother of four, I see what my three "normal" children go through on a daily basis. Sometimes it's heartbreaking, and then a moment can happen that makes everything seem right in an instant.

I have two girls and two boys, ages 8, (boy) 10 , (girl) ,13 (boy), and 14 (girl). My 13 year old son Alex has Autism/PDD. As his mom, I have my own ways of dealing with the daily trials of a child with special needs.When it comes to my three "normal" kids, I'm usually at a loss. When I wish I knew just what to say, I realize that everything is unknown ground; even more so for me, being an only child myself.

My dream was always to have a big family. I am the luckiest mom in the world. Having a child with special needs has been a mixed bag. I can't say that I've never wished that Alex was "normal", but what is considered normal by society seems like such a small window to me now. Anything out of the comfort zone is viewed as negative. This really bothers me now, because autism is a condition that is still largely unexplained.

Having a brother with autism has been challenging in many ways for my other kids. All of them went through various stages of feelings about it. At first they don't understand why he is so different. In this initial stage they are almost scared by it. It's particularly hearbreaking to watch this stage as a mom, as you watch them try to interact with him in traditional ways that may or may not work.

The second stage is resentment. Why is'nt he like everyone else? When will he get better? Why does MY brother have to have autism? Sometimes this culminates in anger towards the sibling with a disability. The worst part is when they ignore the sibling altogether.

The last stage is acceptance. This came at different ages for my three kids; my eight year old is just starting this phase now. The kids find their common gound on their own. You can't push it--just know that it will happen. When it does, it's beautiful.